purging girl

(no subject)

I've just gotten out of a year in in-patient and partial hospitalization treatment for my eating disorder...not by choice. I'm fatter then I have ever been, although no one will tell me how much I weigh. I've decided to start a fast in spite of everyone that has been telling me for the last year that I need to get better. Doing this under the close watch of my 2 therapists (Jennifer and Tracy) my dietician (Nancy) my doctor (Dr. Rome) and my shrink (Dr. Warren)... I'm into calling my people by their names... anyways, it's going to be hard. If anyone has any ideas of how to get passed having red flags show up in blood work or how to hide weights on you when you're naked, places to hide a scale, anything, I would love it! And the support for my fast would be greatly appreciated.

Breakfast- 12 oz. coffe 1 tbsp cream
Lunch- broccoli and cheese (purged)

Now- off to work out.
  • Current Music
    Down and Out- The Academy Is.

(no subject)

Great Websites:

1. http://www.stevenscreek.com/goodies/calories.shtml
2. http://supermodels.nl/
3. http://www.plagueangel.net/grotto/id5.html
4. http://www.pro-ana.us/

(Just a few)

When you're feeling weak...
Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.
Go to the library. You can research dieting or whatever, or you can read the classics, or some of the aforementioned listerature. Or you can do homework, or write letters, but the beauty of it is, since no food or drink is allowed, you'll have no choice but to abstain from a meal.
Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.
If you're even considering eating, just hold your breath and count to 100. Chances are that you'll convince youself not to eat whatever it is you're craving in that time.
The scent of coffee has been proven to lessen ones appetite.
Chew the food but don't swallow it. Spit it in the bin.
If you're feeling dangerous, plan out the next few hours so that you're occupied for every single minute. Write a list of things to do for every 15 minutes. eg. exercise, surf the internet, email your friends, clean a room, read a book.
If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away!
Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time. The front of the ear is apparently a pressure point, in the area that controls hunger.
Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you. Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.
Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.
Become an artist. Write anorexic poetry. Anorexics are creative. Collect pictures of skinny girls. Stick them all in your notebook.

Pro Ana Tip and Trick
Ana tips

1. Eat breakfast! This gets your metabolism going.
2. Eat as slowly as you can. It takes your body around 30 minutes to realise it's full.
3. Chew until the food dissolves in your mouth.
4. Become a vegan or vegetarian.
5. Eat in front of a mirror naked.
6. Count to 100 if you're having a craving. Hopefully it will go away.
7. Put your fork down between every bite.
8. Never eat past 7 pm.
9. Wear nail polish to hide the discolouring in your nails from lack of nutrients.
10. Take anti heartburn pills if you're really hungry. They neutralize the acid that builds up and makes you hungry.
11. Keep a bin near you when you eat. If you feel you are going to over eat, throw the rest of the food away.
12. Wear a rubber band around your wrist, snap it against your skin when you're tempted to eat.
13. Drink diet soda. It'll fill you up and only has 1 calorie.
14. Clean something gross, you'll lose your appetite.
15. Brush your teeth. The taste of toothpaste will be horrid with the taste of food.
16. Every calorie counts. When you're sitting, shake your leg, tap a pencil, never stop moving.
17. Drink a glass of water every hour, not only will it make your stomach feel full, it will also give you great hydrated skin. Cold water burns more calories, while warm water makes you feel full.
18. Throw away the foods you think you'll binge on.
19. When going out, only take out the amount of money that you'll need. Nothing extra. That way you won't be tempted to spend it on food.
20. Sitting up straight and having good posture burns 10% more calories than when you slouch.
21. If you feel like eating, eat negative calorie foods only.
22. Carry a picture of your favourite trigger everywhere you go.
23. Take a sip of water between every bite.
24. Stay cold. Your body burns more calories trying to warm you up.
25. If you're binging, don't swallow the food, spit it out.
26. Eat your meals on smaller plates.
27. Clench your butt all the time. Guys like a nice ass and you burn calories too.
28. Pro-plus are caffeine tablets which you can buy at most shops, no need for calorie infested coffee.
29. Get comfy in bed, being comfy means you won't want to get up to get food.
30. Use your mind. Think about what the food would look like in your stomach after you've eaten it.
31. Sabotage your food. Adding too much salt etc works great.
32. Go shopping and try on clothes that you wish you could fit in to.
33. Pinch all your fat and see how disgusting it is and then you'll think that if you eat you'll just add more to it.
34. If people start saying they're worried about your weight loss, get really upset and say how mad you get every time somebody comments on your skinny body. 35. Complain a lot about how you wish you could gain weight so people will stop making rude comments.
36. If you eat, ONLY eat when people are watching.
37. Obesity is disgusting. Remember that.
38. Thinspiration is your best friend. You think you've lost weight? Trust me you haven't. Just check out the models online and you'll realise that.
39. Live by the scales. It's right and you're FAT.
40. Keep in mind - If your skinny friend eats a lot, that DOES NOT mean that you can do the same.
41. Learn to love that empty feeling in your stomach. Trust me you'll feel repulsed when it starts getting full again.
42. Watch what other people, especially fat people, eat and feel superior because they're feeding their bodies and getting fatter.
43. If you're hungry, spin around until you feel queasy.
44. Chew sugar free gum. It keeps your mouth busy!
45. If you eat, remember to sit down in the same place every day. Somewhere solitary; not in front of TV or computer. Eating in front of TV distracts you from your body's fullness signals, and you're more likely not to notice what you're eating.
46. A little envy is a good thing! Competition is a great mobiliser. If you're really hungry, buy a bag of low fat low cal hard candies. When you suck on them a lot your stomach will tell you that you are full.
47. If you feel like you want to eat, go to a friend’s house that you cannot just raid the fridge at.
When you get hunger pains, curl up in a ball. It really helps them go away.
48. Try eating something fatty but healthy, (like a banana) early in the day. For the rest of the day, when you want to eat, just remind you of the fatty food you ate earlier.

(no subject)

i am in desparate need of roughly 5500 dollars...so i am offering my photographic expertise at all time record low prices. i specialize in dark, gothic, punk, drag, portrait, erotic photography but am competant with many other forms.

i shoot with a 12 megapixel fuji s3 pro dslr...(which is part of the reason i am desparate for money)...and can provide the largest prints currently available in the photographic world.

the cost of any shoot will depend on the situation, time, location...etc...etc... but i guarentee i will shoot for less than any of my peers

your desparate friend....
still not enough

progress report

ok 3 things....
1. i made it to size 2.
2. its not 00, its not good enough.
3. i found something called "slim mints" i'll let you know how they work
4. i give up, im dropping 50 dollars on weight loss hypno therapy. i'll let you know how that goes as well.
still not enough

im still here

ok....im fasting again just a small one, 12 days only water. i went up to 111 pounds, that is unacceptable. will go back to 95-100 before Christmas. i'll of course let you all know how the fast goes.

oh and there are some new pics of me on my lj page (from when i wieghed 115-120ish) theres partial nudity, so be warned.